is pain bad???

if someone gave you the option of living a life without any pain — would you say yes???

it turns out that there is a very rare disease in which exactly that happens... i was learning about the disease today — in the rarest forms its victims feel no pain at all... not even if their arm was hacked off with an axe... children who have this disease usually don’t live past age three. 

there was one boy who had this disease... he could feel no pain... his parents noticed the disease when — at age two — instead of chewing on toys to help with the teething process, he chewed on his own fingers, resulting in bloody stumps. 

you see, everything happens for a reason... this is especially true with our bodies... everything has a purpose — even pain... when we feel pain, our bodies are giving us a message... if our stomachs growl, it means we are hungry... if we feel a sharp pain in our hand, our reflexes pull our hand back...  essentially, we learn to interact with the world through pain — we learn to avoid the things which cause it... and those things that we avoid, are things that are not good for our growth. 

the young boy who has this disease doesn’t even know when to eat, because hunger is pain... his body does not sweat when he runs around, since exercise does not “hurt” him... yet, he feels everything else... he laughs when people tickle him... he experiences all the pleasure in the world, but none of the pain. 

so, a life without pain is not a good thing... pain, then, is not bad... it is what it is... the young boy’s disease is a great example of chinese philosophy — which teaches that you must know pain to know pleasure, and pleasure to know pain... it’s very yin and yang... it’s an important lesson taught by a devastating disease. 

i’ve read that if live was a river, with one side of the river pain and the other pleasure, it would be best to stay in the middle... if you get too close to either side, you slow down and get caught in the mud... it’s important to know that life will have pain and pleasure — but that it should be lived for neither... too much pleasure leads to addiction... too much pain eclipses the joy of life... 

 we have to learn to live with pain...

will it be any different this year??

i've had gone through 21 years of living, in i'm just starting my 22nd year... while others may not see it, i can feel it, i have gradually changed since i was still a kid... i remember being a small boy with a not-so-small physical, and a smaller self-esteem... and then i remember growing up, people around me confessed to me that they are jealous of my confidence, my ignorance of what others might say... come to think about it, i am not confident and i am afraid of what others say about me... i think its due to the fact that i put my own desire and satisfaction above anyone else's... i think what's best for me, not what others think is best for me...

but the question still lingering, how was change possible??? was i the one who did it??? had anyone else intercept or was he/she an enzyme to this change??? i am not able to answer this myself, this change that i see in me, i guess it must be a result of an evolutionary process...

the question that i should ask myself is will it be any different this year??? over the last two years, i have had my heart broken, repaired, broken again, with no one,i repeat NO ONE BUT ME, knows about it... yeah maybe some of my closest friends had same ideas, but none knew how i felt...

in terms of my studies, will it be any different this year??? i had always been a great student when i was a child, god knows what happened to me, i wish it will be different this year, but then again, there's no point of just wishing, i need some motive and some action so that i can get the motivation..

as my birthday is the starting day of our fasting month, i do hope this could be an indication for me to grow spiritually, to be a more pious me..i do hope i will be ble to grow in this aspect... again, i do not know what or who changed me, i have no one to blame but me...

so, i hope this year will be different, age 22, will be a turning point for me...

 the 22-year-old me, wishing this year to be different

oh yeah, i got lots of ideas on what to write, but i don't feel like writing, so sorry if you guys think this entry is full of shit...

is there any problem sir???

if you think about it, problems aren’t real... i was recently reading about this idea, and it struck me as very true...

in this moment, tell me a problem that you have... not a problem you’ll have in a month, or a week… or even in 10 minutes... tell me a problem you have now...

there is no answer, because when your attention is fully in the now, there are no problems... sure, there may be a situation that needs to be either dealt with or accepted, but why make it into a problem??? why struggle??? what do you need problems for??? your mind loves to warp situations into problems because it builds a sense of identity, but why waste your energy???

you have no problems tomorrow, because tomorrow doesn’t exist... only now exists... when you create problems, you create pain... so, make a decision right now that you will no longer make problems for yourself... it really is that easy... it is a simple choice...

and i think pain and pleasure are flip sides of the same coin... whenever there is pleasure, pain is lurking.. the line is so thin... love and hate are the same way... just look at relationships... look how quickly a loving relationship can become hateful... really, there is no duality... pain can not exist without pleasure, or light without dark... there is only one.

and really, we create pain and pleasure in our minds. they aren’t real.. do you feel the stillness? the peace of mind? what a simple but profound and radical choice...

 there no use of creating a problem...

living the life you love or loving the life you live??

it amazes me how many people want to live your life for you...  it seems as though people–even people you don’t even know–are invested in the way you live your life... everyone seems to have a suggestion for the way you should be living... 

i see it all the time...

a lot of people seem to be invested in the fact that I used to have a long distance relationship... a common response is, “oh, i could never do that.  isn’t a long distance relationship awful and hard?  i don’t understand that.”  the thing is, no one had to understand it–except for him and I...  why?  because it’s not their lives...  i don’t understand why people are so invested in the way i live my life...  And of course it’s not awful or hard...  it’s beautiful and amazing. 

i have a friend who is a vegetarian...  i have heard so many people tell him that what he is doing is unhealthy, or that he isn’t really helping anything, blah, blah, blah...  if someone believes that being a vegetarian is wrong, then they shouldn’t be a vegetarian. .. but i don’t think they need to try to make other people take the same course of action... 

reality is an interpretation...  the decisions that people make reflect the way that they see the world...  you can’t force someone to see reality as you see it...  therefore, you have to respect the decisions that people make regarding their lives... 

notably, there is a difference between trying to change someone and trying to educate someone...  but the intent behind education should not be change...  change is a personal decision that needs to come from the inside...  external change is superficial–but to believe something with your heart is much more powerful... 

and all the while, amidst the whirlwind, the secret to life revealed itself to me!!!  it’s two parts really...  first, you really just have to row your own boat when it comes to river of life...  and, you know, just rowing your own boat can be hard enough at times, never mind rowing the boats of everyone around you...  in other words, you just need to live your life the way you want...  you can’t tell other people what to do, or how to live their life. .. in the end, reality is an interpretation, and people are responding to the world the way they see it, the best they can... 

the second part is the important part.  really, the secret to life is everything.  or, well, nothing...  they both mean the same...  life really is what you make it...  it seems that no matter what you intend the world to be, it will shape around that perception...  Someone who doesn’t believe in God may see the randomness of the universe...  someone that believes in an underlying consciousness will see a silent hand acting behind ever seeming coincidence.  whatever you want to see — the universe will meet you there... 

so they really go hand in hand...  you can’t force a person to act the way you want, because you can’t force a person to see through your eyes...  all you can do is accept everyone — unconditionally...  i think the world spends a lot of time and energy trying to change the people around them, even the people they love... i’m not telling you that this is how you should live your life...  simply, it is just what I have observed...

so, again, row your own boat.. 

as if i can row my own boat in my community...

who am i to me???

i have always thought of myself to be my own best friend and my own worst enemy. though at times it is hard for me to distinguish them, they are always there helping or sabotaging me, yeah that is my idea of a friend and an enemy, friends are always there helping us while enemies are always there sabotaging us...

when i am not thinking clearly, this enemy of mine always does things that could always hurt me at the end, and when needed, this friend of mine aren't always there,exposing me to the danger of my worst enemy, the estranged me...but there are also times when this lovely friend of mine share something that i shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't ever repeat it again to the whole world..but being an homophilic myself, i can't help but gossip with people who i am close with around me, this is where the enemy of mine strikes back, this is the perfect timing for him to sabotage me..

all that i wish to point out here is that as a friend of myself, i often tell myself about how i feel...so does my enemy, i am always there to catch me of guard in order to sabotage myself..

my friend is me so is my enemy....

 internal conflict, think u can handle it???