not a resolution, more of an avowal

sometimes, there are times in your life where you are standing at a fork in the road... sometimes, there are times in your life when you are standing in a road that forks 1000 ways... and each of those roads splits in another 1000 directions... 

there are times when an infinity of choices present themselves to you... and when i say sometimes, i mean always... we always have an infinity of choices... but usually, we’re able to go through life without being forced to make a choice that is different... by default, we tend to make the choice to engage in a routine... get up at 10am, go to the cafe, go to work, etc., etc... it’s easy to slip into a routine – and make the choice to be conditioned... it is less often that we are forced to make a choice that means change...

anyway, i’m at the point in my life where i must make a choice that will put me down a different path... i’m being thrown from routine into unknown... i’m thankful for that, because it is in the unknown that i’ll grow... sometimes, you need a little push... i know things are going to change, and it will be big... the ideas of letting others be known to this change of my life is as mystifying as it is to let it be known to myself... i might say i'm not prepared, but when will i ever be, when will you ever be, you and i both know, you and i need a little push, that would be all...

* i dont know why, i cant upload a pic for tis post, personal reminder, get it uploaded!!

architect <-> picasso

you are the architect of your life; you are the Picasso of your dreams... the future is yours to create... it’s very easy to forget that in each moment you have an infinity of choices – and just because you are in a certain patter of choices, doesn’t mean you can’t change it... if you are unhappy with something, then listen to that message.. examine what it is that you don’t like, and change it... change your patterns and you’ll change your experience...

it’s hard for people to take responsibility of their life – to know that this moment is how it is because of a series of choices... if you are unhappy with your life, it’s because you created it that way... that’s very hard for people to own... sure, there are certain situations that are beyond our control... someone might say, my father died when I was 8 and my mom is an asshole – that has created my life and I did not choose it... I’d say, of course you didn’t choose those situations, but you did choose how you would react to those situations, and you chose how you would move on from those situations... situations are external to you – but you internalize situations through your reactions and through the lessons you extract...

so, take responsibility for where you are... if you’re unhappy, it’s for a reason... it’s because of a decision or series of decisions that you made consciously or unconsciously... learn the lesson contained within that journey, and in this moment, make a decision that is new and different - a decision that will bring unbounded happiness to you, and thus, those around you...

you are the architect of your life; you are the Picasso of your dreams... the future is yours to create. 

 you choose your own path of life and be prepared for the consequences..

the purpose of living..

its been a while since i last posted..and i gave some thought to the purpose of life these past few days... i used to think that the purpose of living was to leave this world a little bit better... but, “better” means something different to me than it does to my mother, to my neighbors, and to people living thousands of miles away. 

hitler thought the world would be “better” without the Jews, and perhaps he believed on his dying bed that he had changed the world for the better... the lack of universality in the notion of “better” and its inherent subjectivity reject the idea that the purpose of life is to change the world for the better...

it occurred to me that the purpose of life is much simpler... the purpose of life is to be...you are fulfilling your purpose just by existing... your purpose is to experience the world and the universe in your own unique way... your experience of the universe is your purpose... by going to school, by going to work, by engaging in your relationships and by seeing the universe through your eyes, you are serving your purpose... by sleeping late, by idling – even by doing nothing, you are living out your purpose...

i know that people like to think otherwise; people like to think that their purpose in life is something grand and exciting... that they were born to save a family of four from a burning apartment at some point in the future... and maybe they will... or, maybe they won’t... there are millions of roles we will play during our lives... yes, at times we may be rescuers or saviors, and at other times we may be villains and thieves...we’ll have jobs, and we will make contributions to the world – some “good” and some “bad” depending on your frame of reference... but these roles aren’t our purpose; they come and go...

but what I’m suggesting is even grander... there are lots of heroes and leaders and such... but there is only one you... you are the only person that can experience the universe like you do... even if you live out your life in a cold, dark cave, you will have served your purpose – for no one can see the world like you...you’re the rarest of the rare... you’re the only one that will ever be as you are..

 there is only one me, there's no such thing as seven of me..

is pain bad???

if someone gave you the option of living a life without any pain — would you say yes???

it turns out that there is a very rare disease in which exactly that happens... i was learning about the disease today — in the rarest forms its victims feel no pain at all... not even if their arm was hacked off with an axe... children who have this disease usually don’t live past age three. 

there was one boy who had this disease... he could feel no pain... his parents noticed the disease when — at age two — instead of chewing on toys to help with the teething process, he chewed on his own fingers, resulting in bloody stumps. 

you see, everything happens for a reason... this is especially true with our bodies... everything has a purpose — even pain... when we feel pain, our bodies are giving us a message... if our stomachs growl, it means we are hungry... if we feel a sharp pain in our hand, our reflexes pull our hand back...  essentially, we learn to interact with the world through pain — we learn to avoid the things which cause it... and those things that we avoid, are things that are not good for our growth. 

the young boy who has this disease doesn’t even know when to eat, because hunger is pain... his body does not sweat when he runs around, since exercise does not “hurt” him... yet, he feels everything else... he laughs when people tickle him... he experiences all the pleasure in the world, but none of the pain. 

so, a life without pain is not a good thing... pain, then, is not bad... it is what it is... the young boy’s disease is a great example of chinese philosophy — which teaches that you must know pain to know pleasure, and pleasure to know pain... it’s very yin and yang... it’s an important lesson taught by a devastating disease. 

i’ve read that if live was a river, with one side of the river pain and the other pleasure, it would be best to stay in the middle... if you get too close to either side, you slow down and get caught in the mud... it’s important to know that life will have pain and pleasure — but that it should be lived for neither... too much pleasure leads to addiction... too much pain eclipses the joy of life... 

 we have to learn to live with pain...

will it be any different this year??

i've had gone through 21 years of living, in i'm just starting my 22nd year... while others may not see it, i can feel it, i have gradually changed since i was still a kid... i remember being a small boy with a not-so-small physical, and a smaller self-esteem... and then i remember growing up, people around me confessed to me that they are jealous of my confidence, my ignorance of what others might say... come to think about it, i am not confident and i am afraid of what others say about me... i think its due to the fact that i put my own desire and satisfaction above anyone else's... i think what's best for me, not what others think is best for me...

but the question still lingering, how was change possible??? was i the one who did it??? had anyone else intercept or was he/she an enzyme to this change??? i am not able to answer this myself, this change that i see in me, i guess it must be a result of an evolutionary process...

the question that i should ask myself is will it be any different this year??? over the last two years, i have had my heart broken, repaired, broken again, with no one,i repeat NO ONE BUT ME, knows about it... yeah maybe some of my closest friends had same ideas, but none knew how i felt...

in terms of my studies, will it be any different this year??? i had always been a great student when i was a child, god knows what happened to me, i wish it will be different this year, but then again, there's no point of just wishing, i need some motive and some action so that i can get the motivation..

as my birthday is the starting day of our fasting month, i do hope this could be an indication for me to grow spiritually, to be a more pious me..i do hope i will be ble to grow in this aspect... again, i do not know what or who changed me, i have no one to blame but me...

so, i hope this year will be different, age 22, will be a turning point for me...

 the 22-year-old me, wishing this year to be different

oh yeah, i got lots of ideas on what to write, but i don't feel like writing, so sorry if you guys think this entry is full of shit...