no one is allowed to label me but me: will it be any different this year??

August 11, 2010

will it be any different this year??

i've had gone through 21 years of living, in i'm just starting my 22nd year... while others may not see it, i can feel it, i have gradually changed since i was still a kid... i remember being a small boy with a not-so-small physical, and a smaller self-esteem... and then i remember growing up, people around me confessed to me that they are jealous of my confidence, my ignorance of what others might say... come to think about it, i am not confident and i am afraid of what others say about me... i think its due to the fact that i put my own desire and satisfaction above anyone else's... i think what's best for me, not what others think is best for me...

but the question still lingering, how was change possible??? was i the one who did it??? had anyone else intercept or was he/she an enzyme to this change??? i am not able to answer this myself, this change that i see in me, i guess it must be a result of an evolutionary process...

the question that i should ask myself is will it be any different this year??? over the last two years, i have had my heart broken, repaired, broken again, with no one,i repeat NO ONE BUT ME, knows about it... yeah maybe some of my closest friends had same ideas, but none knew how i felt...

in terms of my studies, will it be any different this year??? i had always been a great student when i was a child, god knows what happened to me, i wish it will be different this year, but then again, there's no point of just wishing, i need some motive and some action so that i can get the motivation..

as my birthday is the starting day of our fasting month, i do hope this could be an indication for me to grow spiritually, to be a more pious me..i do hope i will be ble to grow in this aspect... again, i do not know what or who changed me, i have no one to blame but me...

so, i hope this year will be different, age 22, will be a turning point for me...